Bags Packed??

So here’s the deal…

The older you get the more chance there is of meeting someone who is divorced, has kids or both!

Over the past few years and changes in society, there are many things that are no longer as “pure” as you’d wish it to be. At the end of the day everything you do in life has some sort of compromise boundary and that’s what sets apart bastards & bitches to those who are preparing to give people a fair chance.

So, you meet someone or you’ve known someone for years. there is an attraction but he/she (hereon referring to male references) was married at the time. a few years later he gets divorced and a few months later he is now into you. What do you do? yes, in this case we’ll assume that you are into him as well. You, as the receiving partner, is prepared to enter into a new relationship, fresh and “free” of baggage. But the questions that goes through our minds always seem to be the questions that leaves you questionably fulfilled or entirely unfulfilled. is he ready for another relationship? What if I’m just a rebound? What if marriage is rekindled with ex wife? what will PEOPLE say? Am i just the easiest option? is he being the opportunist and just trying his luck (after all, he is divorced right) What is he never wants to get married again? What if he doesn’t get over his ex? where does this leave me? is this a good idea after all? at this point, i cannot speak on behalf of a guy experiencing this but i can speak for a female. and the one thing i can say to this is yes! we do think of all this questions, all the time. is not a case of reading into things, its a case of protecting ourselves before things get outa hand.

So what would your inevitable conclusion to this matter be should you find yourself in a situation like this? Personally i haven’t been in this situation but i can say that speaking off the top of my head the first step would be time. Irrespective of the reasons as to why is marriage ended, he will need time to heal, time to open up and most importantly time to trust again. so if you in a good space where he is already speaking to you, good! keep it going. Do not shut down the idea of him speaking bout his ex. if anything, in my opinion, it is showing that he is playing open cards with you. Of course, within the first few months, i wouldn’t expect him to open up completely so the chance of you knowing if this is an initial rebound is slim to none. My rule of thumb is “if you remove all insecurities, fears and general concerns of what other people would say” what does your gut tell you? that to me is pretty much a safe answer to go with. yes, yes of course you will also consider factors such as how long you know him, his personality as a whole and associated factors. Overall, I'm not saying accommodate him in every way possible, I'm saying have fun. as long as you can still enjoy each other’s company with him having this already packed his bags, then why not continue? And most importantly, don't give a shit as to what there people think! In fact, “other people” have no bearing on whatever relationship you choosing to start and will have no bearing in the decisions you make in the end as well. I just believe a relationship is meant for 2 people, the more you convert it into an orgy, the more people enjoy or the higher your chances of being screwed in the bum! so do what makes you happy. no one else. Ok, I'm done with this chapter now. LOL

Let’s talk about kids and new people. In this session, i will talk only from a chick’s perspective dealing with a man who has a kid/kids. To any man who had his kid out of love or “accident” with his current GF and assuming that his relationship has now gone to shit for whatever reason. To any man that i have ever spoken to, it is one helluva adjustment having a kid and even more of an adjustment having to get around the idea of him having a new gf (not casual). You meet him. you become friends. he tells you he has a kid. He tells you that he is still actively involved in his kids life. you start something with him (all in the name of fun). fun becomes more fun becomes feelings becomes questionable. So she starts to trip and ask herself what if he doesn’t any more kids cos she wants kids one day? what if the decision to wanting kids vs. not wanting kids is the difference between this “thing” going no where slowly? what if he makes a decision but the mommy cannot accept the fact that he now has someone else? what if the mommy becomes such a bitch and stops him from seeing his child as a result of you!? This, in my opinion, is potentially more messed up that divorce for the simple reason that other people are involved in your relationship but default!

Agreed that for anyone, these are 2 of the most difficult scenario’s to find yourself in and definitely something that we either choose to deal with (or not) before we even meet someone. It's also an issue that, us as humans are for the most part, prepared to take on as we have that “forgiving” spirit in us and can reason to the fact that his/her past is just that. The past.

So, in closing, to those dealing with this or to those who have dealt with this or to those who are currently in this. How have you handled the bags that has been packed? have you grown a skew spine cos of this weight or have your shoulders become broad enough to stand tall and be proud? what are the issues that you have also faced, that perhaps i have overlooked in this post?

Peace